The girl flew to U.S to select her groom!!

Just a few months back, the wedding of my friend Jayaraman’s daughter Kavitha took place in Chennai

A to Z, arrangements of the marriage were made by me not only because I am undertaking marriage contracts but because Jayaraman’s daughter is more or less my daughter! This was how every one felt in the marriage hall!

As soon as Kavitha completed her M.C.A, her father started searching an equivalent match for her. Fortunately, the horoscope of a boy working in California matched with hers and he started making enquiries about the boy. He met the boy’s parents at their house in Nanganallur, Chennai. The meeting made all the elders of the house satisfied. The boy’s father shared the e-mail id and telephone numbers of his son to Kavitha’s father. When he called the would be groom Rajesh, the approach of the boy attracted him. Rajesh scanned his current photo and sent it through e-mail to Kavitha and she too shared her photo. Both of them liked each other at the first sight.

They started chatting and using the net phone for exchanging their views and likings. They discussed all about their work, taste, job and all..

Before giving her consent Jayaraman insisted that Kavitha should go to U.S and meet Rajesh in person to understand him better. But Kavitha refused and said “There is no need for such things. Mother and you liked him and I too liked him! Then why to spend money unnecessarily? Also more money has to be spent for marriage. So please arrange for Betrothal!”

Her answer did not convince Jayaraman, He argued “From the childhood, you have been given the choice to select the things you need. Whether it is your frock or your car, you own them all because you liked them all. All these trivial things have awaited your consent before you get them. This is your life. Your mother and I live for you. All our happiness are centered around you. Our smile is a replica of yours.

He further stated ‘Rajesh is far away from us. He too may longing to see you before the marriage. Don’t miss the chance to meet him in person just blaming on the expenses to be spent. Your happiness is more important to us!”

Slowly Jayaraman changed the mind set of Kavitha. He also narrated a piece from his life. “Are you aware of this- I do not know. Some thirty years back, when they were trying to fix our marriage, both your mother and I insisted that we should meet before betrothal. Your mother came from Trichy to Madras. We talked for about three hours and then finally gave the green signal to get married. In those days, such happening was something extraordinary and all the relatives brows rose in wonder, objecting to it! But we were stubborn and even today we recall and relish the incident. That day your mother came from Trichy to Madras and now you are going from Madras to California. That is all the difference.

Your paternal uncle is in California. You stay there for a week. Have a free discussion with Rajesh. It is very important that you two should understand each other. Come to a conclusion. Then we can have a betrothal! Remember , you are our life! We cannot tolerate any disturbance in your married life. Hence I want you to go to California!”

At last Jayaraman could convince his daughter succeeded in his attempt.. This was a right step taken by him then.

Here I would happily like to mention an important incident Recently, When Kanchi Sankaracharya Sri Jayendra Saraswathi Swamigal and Swami Dayananda Saraswathi Swamigal, were talking about Kalyanamala program in a meeting they appreciated it and certified it as a program that do not degrade or defame our culture. They said the introduction of girl or boy by the parents or close relatives In the program goes very well with our tradition.

I felt Jayaraman by sending his daughter Kavitha to California , did not ignore the culture but at the same time he gave an opportunity for his daughter to find out how her prospective groom is well before the marriage.

Kavitha was given a red carpet welcome in the airport at the USA. Her paternal uncle Babu, his wife and also Rajesh were all there. “Was your father not convinced by my words? Has he sent you to view directly?” commented Rajesh.

“Why should he send me? The words of Chittapa, Chitti are enough to convince me for that. But he still sent me because later you should not say that you have been fooled by my photos. See, how courteous he is towards his son in law!” replied Kavitha casually. The one week of her stay flew quickly but all the days were filled with fun and joy.

Youngsters of today are really wise. They are able to differentiate the fun game and the life and try to learn the best things of life without compromise. Kavitha even before leaving the country could fine a job for her and fix up a house to live. Literaly she and Rajesh could make all the arrangements before the marriage.

All the above said incidents were the news shared with the guests in their marriage and everyone welcomed the pleasant change and appreciated it.

On the day of the marriage, Kavitha and Rajesh were being good friends already, enjoyed and participated in all the rituals with ease and left the country to live with Rajesh in California, USA. All these could take place because Jayaraman gave the long rope of freedom to his daughter who utilized it properly with responsibility.

Here I would like to narrate a funny incident that took place in my family. My maternal grandfather Sitaram ayyar was living in Vazhuthur near Tanjore. Once he went to Nannilam to look into some land deal related issues.. When he went there he just asked his sister to collect details about one Kondahai Ganesan’s son, in order to make him a match for his third daughter Kamu. The idea clicked and he finalized the marriage before leaving the place. When he came back to Vazhuthur, he told my grandmother all about how he sold out the land, rent received, total amount on hand and along with it he also provided the details of the marriage alliance for their third daughter! My mother will never forget to make a mention of how he did it whenever a marriage is fixed in our house!

You have seen “Fathers of two different extreme! Yet responsible! “Is it not?!”

I know now all of you would have been scratching your head to know about Radha.  Let me come to that incident now. Radha, after completing her lunch, as though wishing to see the upstairs, climbed up. I understood that she wanted to talk something personally with me. So I too followed her.

“Mohan! Are you able to recollect my marriage day? How I struggled to accommodate myself to the situation? But Mohan, my husband is really good! He doesn’t know how to smile! But he has never made me cry! I am very happy now! I even feel embarrassed to say how I reacted that day with contempt! But that was my mind on that day! What to do!”

Now, I am very clear that my son should not have such an experience. So I asked him humpty number of times whether he really liked the girl. He even felt bored on my repeatedly asking the same question.. But only I know the pain that I suffered on that day! And I don’t want any one to suffer similar fate.

I even rang up to the girl and asked her whether she is pleased with the marriage arrangements. Her mother was wondering at my repeated questions. But I was not convinced until the girl gave her consent openly. Both my son and the girl have accepted on the decision to marry each other! This acceptance gives me the pleasure, and I only know the depth of my enjoyment.

Radha’s mother represented the year years. But Radha and Jeyaraman belong to the present. They did not give importance for money or status. They looked in to the happiness of their children and wanted their consent in the marriage. This change is remarkable and also should be encouraged!

A marriage in Chidambaram! On the eve of the marriage, the groom’s party arranged for their feast themselves from a hotel! Wait just for the next seven days to know about this astonishing scene!